He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
