We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
