And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
