I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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