im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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