Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish they made helmets for livers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
