Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
