im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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