My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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