I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
