Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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