his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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