Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
