After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
