where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
