So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
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The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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