She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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