Do vagina's smell?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
