Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
