What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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