I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
