mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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