Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
