i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
