Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think i have two assholes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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