I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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