i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
