I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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