So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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