Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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