She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
