Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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