the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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