Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
