return my video game
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
