I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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