So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
