I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
