I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
