he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
