I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
