do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
