he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
