IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
