I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
