Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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