roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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