Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize