Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
