at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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