You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
