ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
