Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this will be a night to untag.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
