Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
