I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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