Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
