You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
