I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
