I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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