She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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